Steps to having the best Valentines ever

The following is a step by step process of how to make the most of your Valentine's evening with that special someone. This technique has be tested and proven as of February 14th, 2009.

7:45 pm : Turn off the NBA all-star slam dunk contest. You can watch it later on YouTube if you really need to.

8:00 pm : Go to Hollywood Video in attempt to rent "The Notebook" (yeah right....like it is really going to be in stock. Come on dummy, you should of thought of this beforehand).

8:10 pm : Go to Blockbuster in search of the same movie (you'll have a similar result).

8:20 pm : Wait in line at the Redbox in hopes of renting any sappy chick flick you can get your hands on (by this time the only DVDs left in the machine are Wall-E and Fools Gold --- neither will do).

8:30 pm : In desperation, buy a cheap bottle of sparkling cider and some discounted-week-old cheesecake (yeah, that will make up for your failure to bring home what she really wanted --- Noah and Aly)

8:45 pm : Come home and complain about Zoobies in the Redbox line as you turn the Slam Dunk Contest back on the TV.

9:00 pm : Have the amazing idea of downloading "The Notebook" from Itunes (you're now a hero).

9:00 -10:00 pm : While the movie takes an hour to download, have your valentine clean up your unibrow so you don't look so beastly for church the next day (this should really turn her on).

10:00 pm: Watch "The Notebook" with your valentine. Occasionally whisper things in her ear that are romantic and heart warming. Essentially, you can repeat anything that Noah says during the entire movie. Two winners are: "I will be anything you want me to be. Just tell me what you want, and I will be it" or "If you're a bird, then I am a bird."

And that is it! If you follow those steps you are destined for success on every February 14th from here on out. If your a little unsure on how your lady will respond, I would just stick with the step at 10:00 pm and forego the prior shannanigans.

---I love you Camilla....thanks for putting up with a romantically retarded husband when it comes to Valentine's night.